Saturday, November 10, 2007

A Strong Vocabulary Equals Safer Insults

Let us consider the ways that you can insult and confuse people at the same time. Having a strong vocabulary means that you have more than one word at your disposal for just such moments as those when you wish to really put someone down properly. Try some of these alternatives:

Call your brother-in-law a bromidic addle-pate instead of boring dolt. He might be flattered, or he might have (very well) hidden depths.

Describe that flaky co-worker as abstracted, pedomorphic, and peurile rather than stupid, childish, and thoughtless. It's less likely to get you in trouble.

Your parents might prefer obdurate and peremptory over opinionated and imperious. Then again, they might consider you sportive or nascent.

Discuss your unfortunate cousin using the word “maladroit” instead of “socially backward”. Your aunt and uncle will thank you.

Achieve the proper level of sophisticated disdain by telling the host that you are leaving the party because it has become jejune. It may take them all night to figure out that you were bored to tears.

Explain to your ex-whatever that things didn't work out because you couldn't be with an insipid laggard. Your current partner would probably rather hear that the ex was a shallow, lazy twit.

Respond to your boss's suggestion with, “What a risible idea.” He or she may never know that you find it utterly ridiculous. It's best to avoid the word fatuous as this could be more accurately construed as fat-headed. That would never do. You might also exclaim that his short-sighted plans are completely myopic, although not if he or she wears glasses. You don't want to be gauche.

Do you see how much fun you can have with a thesaurus and a dictionary? Find a new insult today!


3 comments:








BipolarLawyerCook

said...

One of my friends gave me a minibook of Shakespearean insults-- it's one of my favorite things ever.





Kat

said...

This is hilarious! Thanks for making me smile. In my undergrad days (years ago) my roommate and I would pick a word a day and we would have to use it in a sentence. We had some very, very, funny experiences along these lines.





legbamel

said...

I had a lot of fun writing it. I'm always on the lookout for fun ways to learn and use new words. Thanks!